I was very anxious about finding out the gender of my baby. I had been praying for years that I would have a boy first, but God had other plans. Why was that a big deal to me? Well, I’m a control freak – LOL. But mostly because I just really loved the idea of having a boy who would later help me take care of and love his younger siblings. I wanted my kids to have a big brother, in essence.
I never said it out loud because I didn’t want to admit it but I had become a little depressed before I found out I was pregnant. I had gotten pregnant twice, I miscarried twice, and I wasn’t understanding why. I did some blood tests and everything seemed to be fine, but I was for whatever reason miscarrying. Things weren’t going my way and so I become very mad. I was mad at myself; my body. I was mad at God because I felt I wasn’t getting what I wanted. And I was honestly scared that it was going to become a vicious cycle of me getting pregnant, then miscarrying. Sometimes that happens… I was scared God “chose”‘ me to allow that to happen. Too many hormones running through my body at the time. Lots of questions and doubt. Thankfully things changed.
I became pregnant again. But like I said in one of my posts before, I had received some confirmations that this pregnancy was going to be just fine. I was confident I was going to have a healthy baby. So days, and weeks, then months went by and that little egg stuck on! Thank God! Now, my next issue was that I didn’t have control of what the gender would be (to me it was a problem). I was dying to have a little boy. I had prayed for years as I said before. So I finally took the chromosome test that they do. The results came in. I had my sister-in-law pick up the results. She ordered the confetti for me for our Gender Reveal, and then we had a party.
By this time, emotionally I was ok. I was just very excited and overwhelmed because I didn’t know what the result were going to be, but I was doing better than I was months before. Physically though, I was so drained! I was exhausted, I was vomiting, I had lost all of my appetite, I was losing weight, and I was working long hours. I didn’t cook anything for about 6 months because of my nausea! When we had our reveal, I was 3 months pregnant. I was in the middle of the worst part of my pregnancy. I tried my hardest to be a trouper!
We went to a park. We had food, drinks, and we just sat around waiting for everyone who was coming to arrive so that we could go ahead and pop the confetti canons. My heart was racing with every passing second! We took some photos as we waited for our guests.
Then we popped the canons, but blue was not the color I found floating above my head… I was heartbroken. The pictures below of me hugging my husband and my family and friends was not of excitement, although that’s what it looks like because you can see their faces. Thankfully the photos didn’t capture mine. I was crying. I was so frustrated.
“You don’t have control of the sex! Why are you upset? A girl is just as great!” That’s what people kept saying and I knew that. I wasn’t mad at my baby girl. I was just mad and frustrated because I didn’t get what I wanted and I needed time to get over it. I needed to get over it on MY time. And I did.
This was also a spiritual thing for me. If you’re ready this and you don’t have a relationship with God, you may not understand (or you may), but I had prayed for years that I would have a Boy and I felt God wasn’t listening to me. But I can say there have been multiple times that I’ve asked God for something and I’m so glad he didn’t listen to me because He definitely knows what’s best for me. In the end, His way is always the best way in my opinion. ♥️
I share this because other women have also experienced this when finding out the gender of their baby and I don’t want them to feel alone or ashamed. Some people just really wanted a certain sex like I did. Other women wanted a certain sex because they had clothes saved from their first child. Whatever your reason is, it’s ok to experience this feeling. It’s part of the process for some of us. There’s a lot going on in our head, in our body in general and when we find out something we don’t necessarily like, we need time to wrap our minds around it.
After a few days of getting over the fact that I was having a little girl, I then became excited. I looked forward to buying little girl clothes and bows and shoes. I got excited thinking about years in the future when she’s one day my age. I’d hope that she and I will have the same relationship I have with my mom. I love my little girl and if I knew then what I know now about her, I would have wished for a little girl from the get-go.
If you experienced or experience this now, I encourage you to take a few days, process the news, and then get excited. God knows what he’s doing. Whatever the gender of your child is, may they be healthy and may it bless you and your life. If you feel like you’re dwelling on it for too long. If it’s been weeks and you still feel sad, or mad, or any other emotions that you’re usually not used to experiencing, I encourage you to start talking to someone, whether its your spouse, a family member, a friend or even a professional. Don’t go through the process alone. It’s so important to surround yourself with people who will lift you up and help you get through it.
I am so blessed and honored to be a mother to my beautiful girl. I even hope that for my next child I’ll have another girl. I also pray I have the opportunity to be a mom to a boy. Whatever happens, whatever order they come, I’m excited either way. I hope my story encourages you. Let me know how you feel, or how you’ve felt about discovering the gender of your child.
I will make another post about ideas for Gender Reveals. I’ll talk more about my experience with those Confetti Canons.
